Wow, my baby girl is a year old today!! I can't help but take a trip down memory lane to the day my beautiful Ken was born.
I can remember scheduling the c-section date with what worked best with Carl's work schedule, with my sister Heidi's school schedule (she was the one to watch Emrie while we were in the hospital) and of course my Dr.'s schedule. I also wanted her birthday to be in a month that was not occupied with too many other family birthdays. Silly, I know, cause when it comes down to it, it really doesn't matter, but I wanted this day to be special for her in years to come I guess.
We left early that morning. I was so nervous. When I get super nervous I shake really bad, and my teeth chatter. The nurses kept asking if I was cold. Not cold just terrified. While a scheduled c-section is convenient it is also a major abdominal surgery. You would be stupid not to think of the risks involved. We checked into the hospital the day before, so we simply just walked to the nurses station and got settled into the pre-delivery/operation room. It just went so smoothly, it all seemed too easy. I just got into a dreadful hospital gown, laid in bed was hooked up to IV's and that's it. It was SO different from how Emrie was born. With Emrie is was all so crazy. There was LOTs of pitocin, an epidural, and epidural wearing off, lots of pain and 23 hours later an emergency c-section just to find out I can't deliver babies naturally. I didn't even get to see Em for several hours, there were complications and she was whisked away. At one point I did not even know if she was alive. The first time I saw her, was when Carl took a picture of her, and brought it back to the room to show me. I think with how things went with Emrie's birth, I was even more nervous.
As soon as I had enough fluids in me Carl and I kissed goodbye and I was rolled into the operation room.
I remember getting even more nervous being separated from Carl. If you truly know Carl as my husband. Then you know he is my rock, my everything. I can't even stand to be away from him for one day. He makes everything better in my world. Anyways... My favorite part about c-sections besides the new baby are the nurses and the anesthesiologists. Once in the operating room I had a spinal block put in (have to love those). When testing to see if the spinal block works they will pinch you to see if you can feel the pain. At one point I told them it wasn't working because I could feel them pinching me. One of the two anesthesiologists in the room just laughed. Apparently the other one was pinching me SO hard, if the spinal wasn't working, I definitely would have felt the pain. After the spinal starts to set in, that is when the Dr.s come in, and start. Then that is when Carl can come in. From what I understand from Carl, I am in the middle of being cut into, when he is allowed to enter the room. Carl knows that he is to stay directly behind me and do whatever I ask of him. It is usually to talk to me about anything other then is what currently is taking place.
For being so nervous in the beginning I can recall being oddly at ease and comfortable. I didn't feel a thing, and the next thing ya know I can hear Kennady crying. It was the best sound ever. They even showed her to me as she passed behind me and was put through a window into a room where they take care of her. Moments later they gave her to me, and let me hold her for a few minutes. It was fantastic, and here we are a year later and I am holding her in my arms.
I was so worried about bringing another child into the world, only for the reasons that I couldn't possibly love another child as much as I loved the first. As much as I love Emrie, I didn't think I could love someone else that much. What if I loved Emrie more? Once Kennday came along though I couldn't have been so wrong about those juvenile worries. It is absolutely crazy the connection and the amount of love that a mom can have for a child. It is something that I think a man can never know, and it is what makes having babies all worth it. It is the bond between a mother and a child. It is the bond that I feel even more strongly today, as a sick Kennady lays asleep in my lap while I type this blog.
Poor baby, she is spending her first birthday coming off a stomach flu, or at least that is what the Dr. thinks. I'm not sure I entirely agree with him but at least she is getting a little better. Since this last Sunday morning at 4 am she has had a fever. It began with 103.something and of course it broke right before I took her to the Dr. yesterday. The Dr. let me know that the birthday party could go on as planned, that she was not contagious, but that she might have to wait on the cake and ice cream. I told this to Carl on the phone and he said that she couldn't have a first birthday without cake and ice cream, so Carl if and when she throws it all up, shes all yours!
She just starting taking a bottle again today. She would not eat or drink anything, just lay in my lap with the saddest eyes ever. Actually you could lay her anywhere and she wouldn't move. Today, however on the day of her birthday, she will not let me put her down, when I do she just follows me around the house screaming. I just hope that I can take care of her, and get everything ready for her party tonight.
Kennady, I want you to know that I love you. I will always love you. No matter what challenges you face in life I will be there to support you and to hold you and to wipe away your tears. Ken, there is a bond that connects you to me and me to you, it was a connection that I believe began long before I held you for the very first time. Happy 1st Birthday!
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